Let’s dive into episode 2 and dissect it like Sam Tarly performing a ‘Scalectomy’. Spoilers Ahead
“Girl Meets Grill” is the new spinoff show staring Daenerys Targaryen just grilling the shit out of her guests. In this episode Lord Varys gets the treatment and passes the test with flying colors. Although he plotted to have her poisoned, as commanded by Robert Baratheon, Dany makes Varys promise that he will let her know when she’s acting like her dick dad instead of plotting against her behind her back.
Our favorite bastard, Jon Snow has gotten not one but TWO ravens!! How many ravens have you received since last week? One of the ravens carries Sam’s message that Dragonstone sits on a mountain of Dragonglass. The second is an invitation from Tyrion to come to Dragonstone and bend the knee to the Mother of Dragons.
“All dwarfs are bastards in their father’s eyes.” -Tyrion Lannister
This idea does not bode well with the Northern lords and Sansa who let him know that the King in the North should be in the North. And why not send someone else to negotiate that? Davos? Sansa? Ned’s father, Rickard, rode south and was burnt alive in his own armor by the mad king. Ned rode south and was beheaded. Rob rode south and never came back. I see the pattern and the north remembers. Sansa quickly changes her tone once Jon makes it clear that she is in command until he returns.
This is the opening for Little Finger to manipulate Sansa while Jon is gone and consolidate even more control over the North. Who am I to poke holes on this ship that’s about to finally put Jon and Dany in the same room? We can only assume that this meeting will take place next episode, and let us not overlook the reaction from Sir Davos, the onion knight, as he is reunited with the red lady, Melisandre, as she is now serving Dany.
One of the more compelling things about Game of Thrones has been all of the speculation and theories discussed by water coolers and subreddit communities alike. This season feels so different because were getting all of these answers spoon fed to us.
Melisandre tells Dany about the prophecy of the prince that was promised and Missandei quickly corrects them that the noun for prince is asexual in high Valyrian. The correct translation should be prince OR princess that was promised. This is directly what fans have been talking about on subreddits for years!!
We see Dany’s war council gathered in Dragonstone for the first time: Yara and Theon Greyjoy, Ellaria Sand, Olenna Tyrell and Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion goes through his 5 slide power point presentation on how to take the iron throne.
- Don’t attack King’s Landing directly, you don’t want to be Queen of the Ashes
- Use the Iron Fleet to give the Dornish army a lift to Kings Landing
- An all Westorosi army comprised of Dorn and Highgarden soldiers will lay siege to Kings Landing starving the people until they’re forced to bend the knee
- Use the Unsullied and Dothraki forces to take the seat of power of the Lannisters: Casterly Rock
- We party
Tyrion’s plan sounds as good in theory as Obamacare. His siblings have plans of their own. Cersei gives a rousing speech, centered around fear and xenophobia to the lords of the realm. Very Trump-like tactics talking about how Dany is as cruel and ruthless as her father before her and how she brought a savage Dothraki horde to burn, pilage and rape the Seven Kingdoms. But this ain’t no fake news.
Jaime does his part appealing to Randall Tarly to line-up with the crown and become his first general going against the Tyrells. Randall Tarly has a son: Dickon. I’ll leave it at that.
At the Citadel we double down on the poop montage with the pus montage. I can’t wait for episode 3. Ser Jorah Mormont, son of Jeon Mormont will not die today. Samwell Tarly will save him! Even if it kills him first. Were talking straight greyscale removal with sharp objects. Cringe. Don’t forget the ointment.
On the eve of Grey Worm marching to Casterly Rock (see Tyrion’s ppt above) with the Unsullied and Dothraki, Missandei makes sure that they don’t leave with any ‘what ifs’ hanging. A very tender, beautiful and puzzling sex scene ensues after Grey Worm tells the story of how he didn’t have any fears before meeting her and that’s how he was anointed the leader of the Unsullied. Very little minority on this show, so to see a sex scene being tastefully done between two black actors received great response on social media. I wonder if this beautiful send off will result in a tragic end for Grey Worm. Regardless, I’m ready to see Casterly Rock and one bad-ass battle scene. Still… I can’t help but feel inadequate as I don’t understand what exactly Grey Worm did with Missandei given what he has, or doesn’t have, to work with. Help.
Back in the Riverlands, Arya runs into Hot Pie at the Inn. He’s still making great pies, Arya boasts about making a couple of pies herself. Pie and ale are not the only goodies this beautiful man provides. He is the one that breaks it to Arya that Jon has taken back Winterfell. You can see light and purpose being reignited in Arya’s eyes as she thanks him and tells him not to get himself killed.
“I’m like you, Arry. I’m a surviovr.” -Hot Pie
Hot Pie has the game figured out. Find something that you love doing that doesn’t involve slaying people and just chill out in the Riverlands.
If you still care about the direwolves there are 2 (out of the original 6) left. Lady was the first to go on the road to Kings Landing, Greywind was skewered at the Red Wedding, Summer sacrificed himself right before Hodor held the door (tears), and Shaggy Dog was decapitated before Rickon was unable to avoid Ramsay’s arrow (zigzag you little fuck!) that leaves us with Ghost and Nymeria. We’re well aware at this point that Bran has the ability to ‘warg’ (telepathically connect with animals). Lesser known fact to TV watchers, is that all Stark children are able to warg, they’re just not aware of it the way Bran is. In the books they all have a telepathic connection with their counterparts and play a much larger role. During the war of the five kings, Greywind is able to find a secret path in the battle field that allows the Northern army to flank the Lannister army, all because Rob had studied the maps so intensely. If Greywind was by Rob’s side during the Red Wedding, like he was advised to, Rob would have never been murdered. Nymeria has been roaming around the Riverlands leading a super pack of wolves, killing Freys and Lannisters all over the place. Arya still dreams as a wolf, which describes her direct connection to Nymeria even from across the Narrow Sea. You see, book fans still care about the Direwolves very much. Which is why this reunion with Nymeria and Arya is so touching. Arya pleads to Nymeria to come back to Winterfell with her and she declines as she runs off with her pack. Arya, says: ‘It’s not you.’ The show runners explain this line in Inside the Episode, as a call back to season 1 when Ned told Arya, she too could grow up to be a princess, and Arya responded: ‘It’s not me’. Some believe that this moment is Arya’s realization that being a cold murderer isn’t who she is. She still has a lot to live for back with her family.
“It’s not you.” -Arya Stark
So many delicious bits being served in this episode!! Getting late in the night, must be time for a nightcap. An awkward lesbian scene between Yara and Ellaria as they sail from Dragonstone to Dorn? Just what the doctor prescribed. Hold the mothafuckin phone!! Euron Greyjoy, and his Helen of Troy armada that launched 1000 ships blind sides the original Iron fleet. Euron comes crashing down on the ship’s deck, riding the jaw of a sea serpent.
A tremendous battle on the sea begins as Euron impales Obara Sand and strangles Nymeria Sand with her own whip. Ellaria and Tyene are captured alive. Game of Thrones doesn’t miss on much, but the entire Dornish story plot and character development was a huge disappointment after Oberyn. Dying was the most useful thing those snakes have ever done. The final confrontation between Euron and Yara results in Yara being held at ax point as Euron taunts Theon. Being triggered by the violence around him, Reek resurfaces dropping his sword and jumping overboard to save himself. When I die, I want Theon to be my pallbearer so he can let me down one more time. IF there is a redemption story at the end of the road for Theon, it’ll easily be one of the biggest payoffs of the show. If you’re keeping score at home for the Eunichs its 2-1. Varys: w, Grey Worm: W, Theon: L. Euron is indubitably this season’s villain. But contrary to Joffrey and Ramsay, I actually like this rockstar, lunatic of a pirate. He says stupid shit, but he backs it up! Ellaria Sand will make a great gift to Cersei as she was the one who poisoned Cersei’s only daughter, Myrcella.
What a huge win for Cersei and the Lannister camp! If you recall, last week they were surrounded by enemies on all fronts like fucking Germany in name a war. And just like that, they control the seas. This development should deeply affect the meeting between Jon and Daenerys next week. The Breaker of Chains could use a friend in the North, and Jon only cares about one thing: Dragonglass. What’s the Valyrian translation for ‘quid pro quo’?